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MEMORANDUM To: Members, Human Resources Development Group From: Curtis H. Driskell Subject: Revisions and editing of employment slide narrative As an aid in your comparison of the revised script with the old, the following notes and comments make reference to most of the suggested revisions, with the exception of of some of very minor nature. No attempt has been made to not e every instance of judicious "tightening" or of simple rearrangement of script matter. REFERENCES Page 4 - New thought is injected, acknowledging existence of Merit Employers Association and its purposes. Page 5 - New thought: cooperative effort, exemplified by Employer Workshop on Manpower Resources . _ - Reasonable conclusion is drawn (2nd graf) that "it is apparent ••• something is being done .•. 11 P age 6 - New phraseology (5th graf) : "This may s eem a par adox . • " but it isn't new or peculiar to Atlanta. P age 7 - Reasonable conclusion (3rd graf) that it's "elementar y" em ployment can have a bad effect. - Questions t o ask our s elves (3r d and 4th grafs) are posed in different fashion , but questions are the same. Page 8 - Expansion of a thought : "In shor t , what about tomorrow? " Page 9 - Reasonable conclusion (2nd graf): 11 • • • we cannot afford t o minimize it (unemployment)." Extension of that conclusion t o relate t o an objective of the script: One reason we can't minimize it is because we know there are others : not '·. being counted. �Memorandum Page 2 - Entire 2nd graf has been rewritten as statement, instead of asking three times "what are the causes?" Eliminated from earlier script: "All right. Let's take a look at some of the causes." (The facts which followed that statement were not actually causes. For instance: Population has grown, more people live in cities, easier to get along without a job in rural environment. ) Page 10 - Rephrased reference to causes (2nd graf), with reasonable conclusion that "some of them stem, in part, from the very affluence we have described." Page 12 - Inserted accurate figures on job projections. (Script originally had "corporate city" employment confused with "central business district. ") Page 14 - Tightened drastically suggestion to see what they imply. 11 II put some of the facts together and Page 15 - Rephrasing to get to the point: "Who are the people involved? Page 17 - Reversed order of two case histories. (Woman is more typical, based on facts and conclusions of our narrative, and should come first.) Also tightened descriptions of these two people. Page 18 - Rewrote the relationship of their situations to future prospects. (In the script, they aren't actually unemployed.) Injected reasonable conclusion: that their prospects are poor for getting greatly improved jobs. - Related available jobs more closely to case histories: " ... not the sort of job to be filled by fifth-grade drop-out or untrained domestic." Page 20 - Reasonable conclusion (2nd graf): relating on-the-job training opportunity to "need for workers" and "employer's willingness to help meet the problem." Further reasonable conclusion: that without such efforts, "the gap would be widening even faster." - Tightened considerably introduction of job barriers. Page 22 - Extension of conclusion: "These requirements are realistic standards ••• not arbitrary barriers ... " - Reasonable conclusion: Use of new phrases amounts to "tangible evidence" that employers are removing arbitrary barriers. �Memorandum Page 3 Page 23 - Extension of earlier reasonable conclusion: "you can see that progress is being made .•• 11 Page 24 - Extension of conclusions and broadening of the premise that there is some hope (1st and 2nd grafs): Gains not spectacular ..• can't promise solutions just around corner •.• but it's credit to businessmen... evidence that job is at least begun .•. only through ·business leadership can we find solutions. ;· Page 25 - Additional characteristic of narrative: about our alternatives. 11 December 7, ·1967 < 11 • • • We have tried to be realistic �