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MEMORANDUM
To: Members, Human Resources Development Group
From: Curtis H. Driskell
Subject: Revisions and editing of employment slide narrative
As an aid in your comparison of the revised script with the old, the following notes
and comments make reference to most of the suggested revisions, with the exception of
of some of very minor nature. No attempt has been made to note every instance of
judicious "tightening" or of simple rearrangement of script matter.
REFERENCES
Page 4 - New thought is injected, acknowledging existence of Merit Employers
Association and its purposes.
Page 5 - New thought: cooperative effort, exemplified by Employer Workshop on
Manpower Resources.
~ Reasonable conclusion is drawn (2nd graf) that "it is apparent... something
is being done..."
Page 6 - New phraseology (5th graf): 'This may seem a paradox.." but it isn't new
or peculiar to Atlanta.
Page 7 - Reasonable conclusion (3rd graf) that it's "elementary" employment can have
a bad effect.
- Questions to ask ourselves (3rd and 4th grafs) are posed in different fashion ,
but questions are the same,
Page 8 - Expansion of a thought: 'In short, what about tomorrow ?"
Page 9 - Reasonable conclusion (2nd graf): ''...we cannot afford to minimize it
(unemployment).'' Extension of that conclusion to relate to an objective of the script: One
reason we can't minimize it is because we know there are others : not.’ being counted.
Memorandum
Page 2
- Entire 2nd graf has been rewritten as statement, instead of asking three
times "what are the causes?" Eliminated from earlier script: "All right. Let's take
a look at some of the causes." (The facts which followed that statement were not
actually causes. For instance: Population has grown, more people live in cities,
easier to get along without a job in rural environment. )
Page 10 - Rephrased reference to causes (2nd graf), with reasonable conclusion
that ''some of them stem, in part, from the very affluence we have described."
Page 12 - Inserted accurate figures on job projections. (Script originally had
"corporate city" employment confused with "central business district. "')
Page 14 - Tightened drastically suggestion to ' put some of the facts together and
see what they imply."
Page 15 - Rephrasing to get to the point: "Who are the people involved?
Page 17 - Reversed order of two case histories. (Woman is more typical, based on
facts and conclusions of our narrative, and should come first.) Also tightened descriptions
of these two people.
Page 18 - Rewrote the relationship of their situations to future prospects. (In the
script, they aren't actually unemployed.) Injected reasonable conclusion: that their
prospects are poor for getting greatly improved jobs.
- Related available jobs more closely to case histories: "...not the sort of
job to be filled by fifth-grade drop-out or untrained domestic."
Page 20 - Reasonable conclusion (2nd graf): relating on-the-job training opportunity
to "need for workers" and "employer's willingness to help meet the problem." Further
reasonable conclusion: that without such efforts, "the gap would be widening even faster."
- Tightened considerably introduction of job barriers.
Page 22 - Extension of conclusion: 'These requirements are realistic standards...
not arbitrary barriers..."
~ Reasonable conclusion: Use of new phrases amounts to "tangible evidence"
that employers are removing arbitrary barriers.
Memorandum
Page 3
Page 23 - Extension of earlier reasonable conclusion: ''you can see that progress is
being made..."
Page 24 - Extension of conclusions and broadening of the premise that there is some
hope (1st and 2nd grafs): Gains not spectacular...can't promise solutions just around
corner...but it's credit to businessmen. ..evidence that job is at least begun... only
through ‘business leadership can we find solutions. '
Page 25 - Additional characteristic of narrative: "...We have tried to be realistic
about our alternatives."
VuYy
December 7, 1967